Rumours were finally confirmed today by investigators and
scientists alike that the missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 was indeed
guided by the hand of God and lifted up into heaven just over a fortnight ago.
Spottings of debris in the ocean around India were proven to
just be things other than a plane, and so a new theory had to be created.
The knowledge first erupted when Johanna, 23, stated that
she saw a bright light, followed by a large hand that "caught the plane
like a tennis ball" and pulled it up. Johanna also claims she wasn't
taking hardcore recreational drugs at the time.
"I'm confident they had first rate service on their journey to heaven," Manager of Malaysian Airlines.
Catholics charged ferociously at the idea of the missing
plane being God related.
"It's the first time God has been used to prove
anything for at least three-hundred years. It's nice to have a sense of what it
was like in the past before concrete evidence was actually needed for
facts."
"Scientists worked hard to try and find a scientific
explanation for the complete vanishing of the plane," stated Obama this
morning, "But in the end they had to agree with the Catholics around the
world who resorted to their common sense by claiming it was an act of
God."
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| Obama pointing at the suspect this morning. |
"It's a breakthrough," claimed Melissa, 37, a
Catholic from Texas. "Atheists always think science has the answer, but this
proves them wrong. A vanishing plane is clearly the work of the Lord
above."
God's actions are currently unclear. His hearing in the
House of Lords is to take place next Tuesday morning.
“Perhaps it was a quiet day for him. Suffering was slow that
day, maybe he wanted to pick it up a bit.”
"We tried to find solid evidence as to why the plane
went missing. We used technology, we used logic, but in the end blaming the guy
in the sky is sometimes the easiest thing to do, and doesn't raise any more
questions."
