Illiterate racist thinks 'Tesco’s BLT sandwich is PC culture gone mad'

Angry Protesters Defend Statues From Police Who Are Also There To Defend The Statues From People Who Largely Don't Care About Statues - by Adam Walton

Civil unrest continues today in London and Bristol, where groups of history academics - primarily of Oxford and Cambridge, have gathered to defend statues of great, British heroes who never did anything wrong.

A civil discussion about the intrinsics of history, war and race.

BLM, Black Lives Matter for short, have been participating in largely peaceful protests across the globe in response to the murder of George Floyd. 

However, controversy was sparked in Bristol when a small group of protesters pulled down a statue of Edward Colston - a famous 1600s charity worker and philanthropist, who sometimes dabbled in drowning 19,000 African slaves. 

The statue read: "Felt cute, might delete later"

In response to the pulling down of Colston's statue, history academics flocked to statues in London and Bristol to defend them 'from Antifa'. When the leader of the Antifa organisation was asked if more statues would be targeted, no reply was given as Antifa doesn't actually exist. 

A self-appointed leader of statues and spokesman in London, Judd 'The Geezer' Smith, explained that 'Churchill killed Hitler, and if it wasn't for him, we'd all be speaking German'. This was met with rounds of applause, and Jade Walter commented: "Thank f*ck, anything but German or Spanish, I hated them in school".

Lucozade have denied allegations of sponsoring the event.

Violence soon erupted, and the far-right rioters appeared to take over from the academics by throwing railings and punches at the police they were defending on Twitter just days ago.

Just before these events, we managed to catch up with a few members of the crowd to ask them their opinions on the BLM movement. 

Nazi salutes were also seen to pay respect to Winston Churchill, known supporter of the Nazi party.

Keith Johnson said that he 'thought all lives mattered', but when asked about refugees and liberals, he added 'No, not those lives.'

Rebecca Parkinson M.D said: "If people want to come over to our country and try to erase our history, then they'll have to get through us first." When asked what statue she was currently defending, she shrugged and said it didn't matter.

Lest we forget the great Jimmy Savile

A final comment was given by an illiterate racist who thought Tesco's BLT sandwich is 'PC culture gone mad'. When asked what he thought the 'T' stood for, he simply replied 'Tw*ts'.

Black Lives Tatter?