Kardashian's Crack Creates Controversy Connected to Comet

This week, Labour Party leader Ed Milliband saw a huge rise in people claiming they'll vote for Labour next year.

Is he keeping trendy? Or influencing the prostitution industry?

Farrage said, in a recent statement: "He can use all the ass he wants. At the end of the day, she isn't purely white, she isn't British, and my legion of racist voters will dismiss her like milk that has gone hard."

PM David Cameron said: "He can try his hardest to appeal to the poor, working class scum of this country, but at the end of the day, they don't even know how to use a pen, so how can they put a cross in the box that is next to anyone's name?"

Even ex-PM and ex-leader of the Labour Party, Tony Blair, added his thoughts:

Kim Kardashian released photos of her backside, and frontside, just this week on a newspaper aptly named: "Paper".

Though it was a pretty sight for some, scientists speculate that she is not a human, but a subaquatic creature.

Doctor P. J Rannod stated this morning: "If you look closely, you can see that her skin is reflecting light. Some of my colleagues thought at one point that her skin was emitting light, and that she was therefore a small star, however, I believe that the glowing skin shows that she spends most of her time in the water, and she has gills instead of lungs."

Kim's bum was not unlike this.

In other news, the human race successfully landed something on a comet this week, which is a scientific breakthrough. We asked the public for their thoughts on this.


"I don't know what a comet is, but I'd like to land on that Kim Kardashian's butt!" Faye, 19.

"Oh, the comet landing? Wasn't that in Paper?" Simon, 26.

"Comet's suck, they are just in space and have no importance to us. Live in the moment, focus on what's real, like Kim Kardashian's anus." Dalai Lama.

"A comet was just mentioned to take our attention away from the magnificence that is Kim's ass. I'd sure like to oil that up even more!" Sam, 4.



Due to the recent photos, which threatened to 'Break the Internet', a surge in surgery has been noted as 'the largest surge since everyone wanted to be like the elephant man.'

Chief Surgeon of SCSC (Southern California Surgery Clinic), Marcus Pryjomko, released a statement two days ago:

"It's unreal. We've had four-hundred applicants in a matter of days, claiming they want their backsides to look like a 'ball of dolphin if dolphins got suntans and weren't blue'. People have even offered their vital organs in absence of money they don't have. We've taken seventeen hearts already!"

Fox News started controversy in a broadcast last night, claiming that Kim Kardashian's backside was a threat to the United States of America, and that it is 'clearly a device created by ISIS that will blow up any day now' and that we should 'blow Kim up first'.

But many believe we should just leave this behind us.