Seven a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Scientists conducted research on 65,000 people to find out how to prolong lives.

Could we be expected to eat this much fruit per day by 2019?

'5 a day keeps the doctor away' to be replaced to '7 a day keeps the doctor away'?

Although many of us already struggle to eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day; and some confuse '5 a day' with cigarettes or Ecstasy pills, scientists have recently found out that '7 a day' is actually better for you, despite previous doubt. 

'We thought seven would increase chances of heart attacks, until we actually used our brains.'

When asked why seven is better than five, Chief Researcher of the British Heart Foundation claimed:

"Well, despite past mathematical doubt, we actually found out that seven is of a greater value than five."

Could 7 be greater than 5?

He was then asked: 'Why not 8 or 9 fruits and vegetables?'

"We are yet to work out the mathematical value of these numbers. So far, seven is the highest number we know."

A study of 65,226 men and women indicated the more fruit and vegetables people ate, the less likely they were to die - at any given age.

"People tend to overlook the fact that, let's say, apples strengthen skin, and so seven of these everyday won't just protect you from heart disease and cancer, but any cars that may hit you should just bounce off you."

"The public may find it hard to get used to the new slogan 'Seven a day keeps the doctor away' but at least they'll be alive longer to get used to it" claimed one researcher. 

Some doubt has arisen in the public surrounding the topic. 

Mary, 6, from London illustrated the financial problems arising from the new research. 

"We've all got mortgages to pay off ain't we? We ain't got time in our weekly shop for two more bananas. Last time we attempted '1 a day' we were almost bankrupt after a week. Whatever next, 3,000 a day?'

Whereas 37% of the British public are for the increase of fruit intake, 60% are against it. 

"It's cruelty to chickens, and it must be stopped. They're pushed hard enough as it is without having to lay two more carrots a day," stated KFC CEO. 

"I don't like fruit", Jordan Ronley, 24, "It's not nice". 

The other 3% of the people interviewed were found run over before they had chance to reply on the poll. 

"We're confident they would have been for the "7 A Day" campaign, meaning we'd have won the debate."

"They should have eaten more apples."